Thursday, July 10, 2014

1, 2, 3

There are three groups of people who surround you in your struggles.  There are people in your life who can understand what you're going through because they've been through it too.  Then, there are others who choose not to be empathetic because they don't have the desire to understand. The last group is full of people who don't know your struggle personally, yet they lend an ear and try to understand it anyway.

Be hopeful for the first group that they make it through their struggles.  Be compassionate towards the second even if they aren't showing compassion towards you.  And be thankful for the third group.  Be thankful for those people that can try to put themselves in your shoes and attempt to understand what you're going through.

Our struggle with infertility has shown me people in each of these groups.  I have many friends who have experienced infertility.  It breaks my heart if they're still struggling to conceive because I know we're on the same path, wavering between the fine lines of hope and desperation.  It breaks my heart if they've conceived, because I know that they have experienced infertility and I know that years of this pain leaves a lasting impression on a person.

The second group is the most difficult.  These are the people that know we're struggling with infertility and they don't care.  People in this group come in all different forms.  Some think that our infertility is our own fault, instead of viewing it as the disease it truly is.  Others don't understand why our infertility affects us as much as it does.  They can't fathom why this journey could be so heartbreaking.

Then there is the last group of people.  Often times they don't even realize that they are in this group, but they want so badly to be there for you that their compassion comes naturally.  Luckily, I have a few amazing people who fit into this group.  They've never been in my shoes, but they know I'm in pain.  They recognize that I'm struggling.  They don't need proof of the pain, they just want to know how they can help. They are a select few--the people who show compassion without question.




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Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Diagnosis

We finally had our appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist, where I was officially diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome).  Basically, its condition that is caused by a hormonal imbalance, it can cause weight gain, irregular periods and cysts on your ovaries.
According to Dr Wittmaack, it should have been diagnosed two years ago when we first went in for the testing in January of 2012, because those are the results he used to diagnosis me.

Dr Wittmaack wants to run several blood tests over the next few months before deciding on a plan. He seemed concerned that I was given 9 rounds of Clomid without running more tests.   He seems like a really great doctor, very knowledgeable.  As far as the new office--We love it. From the moment we walked in, we both felt very comfortable.  I also really appreciate that it is not a joint office with an OBGYN.  It's helpful to not have to sit in a waiting room with several pregnant women while the only thing my ovaries are working on,  is growing cysts.

In other news- I've really been trying to focus on my life and on making sure that I'm not putting myself into situations that I can't emotionally handle.  It's been great for me, and it's really made the process of my diagnosis much easier to handle.

I also want to share a friend's blog; she's going to have a fantastic set of posts coming up that are letters from infertile women to friends or family members in their lives.  I can't wait for these posts, I think they'll be extremely touching and emotional.  Check them out at http://lookingforfocus.blogspot.com/2014/03/letters-from-faces-of-infertilityloss.html.  I believe the posts will be starting next week!
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Thursday, December 5, 2013

Lonely.


 

"A heartbreak isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding.  Sometimes, it could be as quiet as a feather falling and the most painful thing is, nobody hears it but you."

This journey is difficult.  There are some good days, but a lot of bad days.  It's a rare occasion when infertility does not occupy the majority of my thoughts in a given day.   It's a lonely journey.  Even though, I have a great support system around me, my infertility is difficult for me to discuss.  It's hard to talk about, even with people who have experienced it before.

With the holidays coming up, I've noticed that my infertility is impacting me a lot more.  It's hard to celebrate holidays because they are just another marker in the journey of infertility.  This is the third Christmas that I have wished, hoped and dreamed that I would be pregnant.  It's hard to wrap presents when you wish you could be wrapping presents for your own child too.  It's hard to sit in the glow of a Christmas tree while watching Christmas movies- absolutely alone.

Maybe someday this heart will heal, but until then I will keep pushing forward in this journey.
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Friday, November 8, 2013

Big (Baby) Steps

We have really enjoyed the time we have spent working with the nurses at our fertility clinic, but it is time for us to move forward in this process and try things beyond just medication.  We need to move on to procedures and truly finding out what is causing our infertility.


In January we will be going to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We truly believe this is the best move for us right now, and we believe that his experience with infertility will help us move forward in completing our dream of conceiving and having a healthy child.  He seems to have a great rating with his patients and being able to address their needs.

We are looking forward to taking this step and really hoping it pushes us forward on the path towards conceiving.   
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