Tuesday, March 11, 2014


We finally had our appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist, where I was officially diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome).  Basically, its condition that is caused by a hormonal imbalance, it can cause weight gain, irregular periods and cysts on your ovaries.
According to Dr Wittmaack, it should have been diagnosed two years ago when we first went in for the testing in January of 2012, because those are the results he used to diagnosis me.

Dr Wittmaack wants to run several blood tests over the next few months before deciding on a plan. He seemed concerned that I was given 9 rounds of Clomid without running more tests.   He seems like a really great doctor, very knowledgeable.  As far as the new office--We love it. From the moment we walked in, we both felt very comfortable.  I also really appreciate that it is not a joint office with an OBGYN.  It's helpful to not have to sit in a waiting room with several pregnant women while the only thing my ovaries are working on,  is growing cysts.

In other news- I've really been trying to focus on my life and on making sure that I'm not putting myself into situations that I can't emotionally handle.  It's been great for me, and it's really made the process of my diagnosis much easier to handle.

I also want to share a friend's blog; she's going to have a fantastic set of posts coming up that are letters from infertile women to friends or family members in their lives.  I can't wait for these posts, I think they'll be extremely touching and emotional.  Check them out at http://lookingforfocus.blogspot.com/2014/03/letters-from-faces-of-infertilityloss.html.  I believe the posts will be starting next week!
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Thursday, December 5, 2013



"A heartbreak isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding.  Sometimes, it could be as quiet as a feather falling and the most painful thing is, nobody hears it but you."

This journey is difficult.  There are some good days, but a lot of bad days.  It's a rare occasion when infertility does not occupy the majority of my thoughts in a given day.   It's a lonely journey.  Even though, I have a great support system around me, my infertility is difficult for me to discuss.  It's hard to talk about, even with people who have experienced it before.

With the holidays coming up, I've noticed that my infertility is impacting me a lot more.  It's hard to celebrate holidays because they are just another marker in the journey of infertility.  This is the third Christmas that I have wished, hoped and dreamed that I would be pregnant.  It's hard to wrap presents when you wish you could be wrapping presents for your own child too.  It's hard to sit in the glow of a Christmas tree while watching Christmas movies- absolutely alone.

Maybe someday this heart will heal, but until then I will keep pushing forward in this journey.
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Friday, November 8, 2013

Big (Baby) Steps

We have really enjoyed the time we have spent working with the nurses at our fertility clinic, but it is time for us to move forward in this process and try things beyond just medication.  We need to move on to procedures and truly finding out what is causing our infertility.

In January we will be going to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We truly believe this is the best move for us right now, and we believe that his experience with infertility will help us move forward in completing our dream of conceiving and having a healthy child.  He seems to have a great rating with his patients and being able to address their needs.

We are looking forward to taking this step and really hoping it pushes us forward on the path towards conceiving.   
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Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Left Behind

It's been awhile.  I have been taking a break.  I have deactivated my facebook and have mostly stayed away from social media in general.  I needed a break.  I needed time to not see pregnancy announcements at every turn.  I needed time to cope with the three year anniversary of trying to conceive. It was hard.  It was emotional.  It was a mess.

It's funny how much relationships change when you are infertile. I have built an amazing support group of friends who are also struggling to conceive.   Some of us have been in touch for 2 years or more.  But something strange happens when you're part of a group of friends who are all trying to conceive.  There are different dynamics to your relationships.  You are all in it for the same end goal of getting pregnant.  And some reach that goal. And some don't.  But what happens when you're one of the people who is left behind in the group of women who haven't conceived?  There becomes a divide. 

Last year, around this same time, I took a break from facebook.  I stayed in contact with many of my infertile friends to offer support and just check in on life overall.  This year has been different.  Many of those women have conceived.  They have had their children or are in the late stages of pregnancy. It's a hard thing to feel like you're being left behind or even forgotten.  You no longer share the bond of the struggle to conceive.  They have moved on to pregnancy concerns or concerns with their child.  Who can blame them though?  They have finally gotten the thing we've all been dreaming of over the last few years.    It's just hard when you have to take a look at the relationship and see that there was only one bond holding you together and while you are still in that place, they are not. You have been left behind.
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