Stages of Infertility

When you are infertile there are many stages you go through.  These stages are like a roller coaster.  You never really know which stage you're going to be in, until you're already there.

Stage One-The Decision 
Stage One is the point where you decide to start your family, you make a conscious decision to stop preventing and see what happens.  Society makes you feel that you will get pregnant the moment you have sex without protection, I knew this wasn't the case.  I knew that the average couple takes 6 months to a year to get pregnant.  During this stage, you're pretty carefree- you go on living your life the same as you did before.

Stage Two-Trouble in Paradise
Stage Two is where you start to worry that something is wrong.  You dive into the real world of trying to conceive...not the have sex and get pregnant type, but the peeing on ovulation tests and taking your temperature every morning type of trying to conceive. If you're open about your struggles you start to get advice from everyone, a lot of strange advice.  The strangest advice I ever received was to stand on my head after sex if I wanted a boy or lay on the ground in the fetal position on my left side if I wanted a girl.

Stage Three- What's up, Doc?
Stage Three is where your life becomes chaotic.  You have doctors appointments often, usually 1-2 per week.  You're on a first name basis with your fertility specialist and instructed to call to report every detail- the first day of your period, when you get a positive ovulation test, or after you have sex.  It's surprising how much privacy you lose when you're struggling with infertility, your doctor suddenly orchestrates your sex life.

Stage Four-Bitter
Stage Four is miserable.  You become so bitter with your journey. You become angry with the people around you- you become angry if they conceive easily, angry if they complain about their kids, angry because you feel left behind.  Just angry.  It's hard to handle the emotions that come along with being so bitter, to the point where it's almost best for you to seclude yourself so that others don't have to experience your bitterness.


Stage Five- Acceptance
Stage Five is where you begin to accept what is happening to you.  You begin to accept that you may not be able to conceive.  You force yourself to not plan your life around having kids.  You stop saying "WHEN I have kids" and start saying "IF I have kids".  I'm not sure if it's true acceptance, or if it's more about making yourself numb to feeling the pain.

I feel that I'm between Stages four and five right now.  I'm starting to accept that my life may not involve me having children,that I may have to find a new dream.