What does it feel like?

I get asked all the time to describe infertility-To describe what it feels like to not be able to conceive.  It's such a roller coaster of emotions, but this is the best I can do to describe it.

If you don't have kids--
Imagine you have wanted to see a movie for your whole life.  You have been working at getting everything in your life settled so that you can go to see the movie.  You are finally ready to see it, everything in your life has come into place and you are ready.  You get to the theater and there is a super long line.  You wait in line patiently until you get to the front, it's finally your turn!  The cashier then tells you that you can't see the movie yet, you must get into a separate longer line full of many hoops to jump through.  You move to the longer line, and you can still see the other line where people are able to get into the movie right away while you stand there waiting.

 You are still waiting in the other line, as people who have went into the movie are coming out.  Some of them are complaining about how terrible the movie was, how they never want to go to the movie again, or how they didn't want to go to the movie to begin with.  You are still standing in line waiting when some people come back to see the movie a 2nd or even 3rd time.  You beg and plead for it to be your turn.  You're willing to give up anything to finally have a chance to see the movie.

This is what infertility is.  It's watching people get the one thing you've always wanted.  It's having to see some people get it without even trying.  It's watching people who don't appreciate the amazing thing they have right in front of them, or sadly wish they didn't have it.  Obviously the desire to have a child is much stronger than the desire to go to a movie, but the process outlined above can give you a feel for what it's like.  Basically, just imagine the most intense desire to have something, and then having that option taken away or being told it might never happen.

If you do have kids--
In my opinion, if you have kids, you should be able to understand my pain better than anyone.   Take a second and imagine what your life would be like if you never were able to have your kids.   Imagine what it would be like to not know if you would ever experience the joy of finding out you were pregnant.  Imagine not being able to see the joy on your parents faces when you told them that they were going to be grandparents.  Imagine not feeling those first kicks while your little one was still snuggled in your stomach.  Imagine not getting that very first look at your newborn and the overwhelming sense of love you had for someone you had just met.

Many times I have watched pictures float around on social media sites with captions like "you've never known true love until you become a mother", so if that is the case, mother's should understand most why infertility hurts so much.  Now, I may someday be able to have a child, but I might not.  And that is a very real possibility.  As time progresses, the fertility treatments get more invasive and more expensive, so I don't know if or when I will be able to conceive.